Neither Doubt nor Fear
by general zargon
Summary: Based on the manga Michiru Heya. After overhearing a conversation in the cafeteria, Reno is plagued by doubt and runs away from the Academy. He finds refuge and some unexpected help in putting those fears to rest from a stranger in the park. Rated for language.


_Author's Note: I blame this entirely on me not having enough freaking sense to just click the 'back' button when faced with a new manga with an interesting cover. -_-V This one-shot is based off a manga called "Michiru Heya" which, while not completely scanlated, still managed to spark off a plot bunny. Also, a cameo by Ichigo from Bleach, because it is my head-canon that that guy can show up just about anywhere._

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Renold liked to think that he was a pretty open-minded, if a bit impulsive sometimes, person. He could easily admit that he was in love with his roommate Roger "Casanova" Brouwer, after all, and had even told the man himself that very thing several times. Sure he didn't always think before he spoke, and that had caused some serious problems while he and Roger had been working out their feelings, but he could honestly say that he'd never been in the situation he was currently in before.

The brown-haired young man had had moments when he'd thought he'd ruined things between them for good, like when he'd made that 'dirty' comment after Roger had gotten beaten up setting that trap for the upperclassman who'd beaten _him_ up, but they had always managed to fix things. Once he explained himself to Roger, the larger man usually understood (just like the above incident), of course said explanation usually involved a lot of crying and apologizing on Reno's part (again, _just like the above incident_) but Roger always forgave him. Reno honestly loved the purple-haired Casanova with all his heart, and not just because the man was so forgiving of his faults.

Roger's own past of selling himself to whoever would pay him had come back to bite them more than once, and then it was Reno's turn to be forgiving and comforting. He always was, even if he tripped over his own tongue sometimes, and that was okay because it made Roger smile when he was upset. Roger accepted Reno's mistakes and forgave him whenever the shorter man said the wrong thing or something hurtful that he didn't really mean, so the least Reno could do was listen to Roger's problems and feelings whenever the one he loved wanted to talk.

His own feelings were a bit more complex - he and Roger had only really had sex one time, and that one time sent his heart pounding and made him feel light-headed whenever he thought about it. After that, Roger had kept to gently getting Reno used to his fingers while bringing him to orgasm with either his other hand or his mouth, and Reno's face still turned red just thinking about it. The one time Reno had tried to give Roger a blowjob, his gag reflex had kicked in before he'd had even half of Roger's length in his mouth, and he'd felt so ashamed that it had taken Roger almost an hour of coaxing through a locked door to get him to come out of the bathroom. Then it had taken another hour for Roger to convince Reno that he hadn't hated his lover's attempt at blowing him and to reassure Reno that as long as he practiced the smaller man would get better at it.

Of course, by then Reno couldn't resist retorting that he'd only do that if Roger was the one to help him practice and then, well, he couldn't remember thinking anything for awhile after that.

However, despite all the problems and hiccups along the way, he could truly say that he had never doubted himself like this before - sure he'd been jealous, curious, or hurt enough to lash out, but never had he ever thought to himself, '_Roger deserves so much better than me_' like he was doing right at that moment.

Reno sniffled softly, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them as he curled up on a park bench he'd found in an isolated corner of the park he'd discovered. He was still dressed in his school uniform, though it was creased and rumpled from his mad dash out of the school, and the only reason he felt safe crying his eyes out on a park bench was that Roger never left the campus grounds. Of course, that thought led to his memory of making Roger promise to come with him to visit his family and his tears, which had begun to slow, began pouring again as he sobbed into his knees.

The park was almost a mile from the school, and he was actually kind of impressed with himself for managing to run so far. It was late in the day, almost night actually, and the bench he had claimed was in a less-than-well-maintained area of the park, so there was very little chance of anyone finding him. Surrounded on all sides by tall, looming trees and lengthening shadows, a shiver went down Reno's spine...but he still refused to get off the bench, his mind running back over what had happened to make him doubt himself so much.

He had been in the cafeteria, on his own for once in a long time (Roger had gotten rather protective after the incident with the upperclassman), just sitting at his usual table and eating his food when he had heard snatches of conversation from one table over. It had been boring yet undeniably private stuff, so he'd done his best not to eavesdrop, but something one of the people said stuck in his mind.

"_Man, I can't believe she picked me to go out with out of all her admirers. My grades aren't that good, I'm not rich, and I'm not even that good looking. I really don't deserve her, and I can't help but wonder sometimes, what does she see in me?_"

The guy who'd said it hadn't even been looking at Reno, and the guy's friends had immediately jumped in to reassure him, for all that the guy laughed and said he was just joking and that he knew she loved him. But what he'd said had gotten Reno thinking: what _did_ Roger see in him? Even though he'd been studying hard, his grades were just a little above average while Roger's, even though the other man had only started studying again recently, were definitely good. He wasn't really what anyone would call 'gorgeous', he was a bit of a crybaby, and he tended to say the wrong thing and put his foot in his mouth a lot. As he'd kept thinking, he kept finding more and more flaws in himself, until finally he'd arrived at the conclusion '_Roger deserves so much better than me_', and he hadn't been able to face going back to their room and maybe seeing Roger again so soon after thinking that.

So he'd taken the coward's way out, running out of the school grounds seconds after classes had ended, knowing that Roger probably wouldn't leave the grounds to try and look for him. He said probably because the larger man had done a lot of things that had shocked Reno before, some of them downright scary if you really thought about it. And he really couldn't think of any reason why Roger would love him, or how he could possibly be good for the purple-haired man.

And so there it was, the reason he was curled up on a wooden park bench, tears flowing like rivers from his eyes and his shoulders shaking with sobs. His trousers were soaked, his jacket wrinkled like no tomorrow, and he was filled with dread at the prospect of seeing Roger like that. Maybe if he waited long enough, he could sneak back to their room while Roger was sleeping? Or better yet, maybe he could just spend the night in the park and then go back to the room and get changed while Roger was in class? It was a pretty warm night after all, so he was sure he would be okay without a blanket and he could always use his arms and jacket as a pillow...

While Reno was seriously considering spending the night on the park bench, he was jolted out of his thoughts and startled so much he jumped when a venomous voice suddenly sounded from down the worn path near the bench (they were speaking Japanese, whoever they were, and though Reno didn't know the language, he was pretty sure they were cursing judging by the tone of voice). He let out a tiny squeak more reminiscent of a mouse than a human, clapping both hands over his mouth after letting out the shameful noise, his eyes wide as the source of the cursing appeared from around a bend in the path.

It was a man - the deepness of the voice had told him that - but Reno honestly hadn't been expecting what the guy actually looked like. The first thing the brunet really took in was the other man's vibrant orange hair, which shown like fire in the growing darkness, and the second thing was the annoyed scowl on the man's face. A pair of brownish-amber eyes echoed the annoyance on the rest of the stranger's face, and his hands were jammed into the pockets of his jeans as he fairly stomped down the path, sneaker-clad feet hardly making any sound despite the force going into each step. The man was around 6 ft. tall, if Reno had to guess, and the shorter man got slightly uneasy when he noticed the plain t-shirt the man was wearing was outlining some rather intimidating abs and pecs, not to mention the defined muscles in his arms. The man was strong, that was obvious, and the realization that he was completely alone and that no one knew where he was suddenly dawned on Reno, causing the young man to swallow nervously.

Reno did his best to make himself small and unnoticeable, and for a minute it seemed like it worked as the man started walking passed the bench, but then, in highly accented English, he muttered, "City is just too damn confusing," and a heavier scowl settled on his features as he abruptly turned on one heel and plopped down _right next to him_. Reno had an internal freak-out for several minutes before he noticed the stranger was sitting normally next to him, and his face flushed in embarrassment when he saw the orange-haired man looking at him quizzically from the corner of one eye. Man, Reno really hoped that his expression hadn't given away exactly how scared he'd been when the stranger had suddenly sat next to him.

The next few minutes passed in awkward silence, at least on Reno's part, the brunet doing his utmost not to look at the orange-haired man beside him, though after the first few minutes of that, he'd resorted to fidgeting slightly with his hands. The one good thing about the surprise the stranger had given him, he thought distantly, was that at least he had stopped crying, for now anyway. All bets were off once the guy left, so he was undecided on whether he wanted the stranger to stay or leave, and his mind was still chasing itself around in circles.

He was jolted out of his thoughts a few more awkward and silent minutes later when the man next to him spoke up, "Hey, you wouldn't happen to know the way to the Hotel Gardenia would ya?"

Reno jumped almost a foot in the air when the silence was broken, and he was more than a little ashamed of the high-pitched squeak that escaped him. His face was bright red when he landed back on the bench, and a quick side-glance revealed that the stranger was now looking at him strangely, probably thinking he was weird for reacting like that to such a simple question. It took him a few minutes to get his pounding heart to calm down enough to stammer out an answer, but he eventually choked out, "Um, uh, n-no, I'm sorry, I don't know where that is..."

To his surprise and relief, the stranger just shrugged and said, "Aw well, was worth a shot asking. I've been wandering around this town for hours looking for the place, but so far no luck." He seemed a bit annoyed, but Reno was too relieved that the stranger didn't seem angry to pay much attention. The brown-haired man's heart was slowing down and returning to its normal pace, and he slowly relaxed minutely.

"Ah, I'm sorry I couldn't help. I haven't left the campus in awhile, let alone visited any hotels," Reno apologized again, feeling a bit bad for the other man. Now that his previous panic was subsiding, he was embarrassed at the way he'd reacted just because the orange-haired man had asked him for directions. Obviously, Reno thought as a light blush worked its way across his face, he'd been more put off by his earlier thoughts than he'd realized.

"Campus huh? You a middle school student? High School?" The stranger asked, leaning back against the back of the bench and crossing his legs at the ankle as Reno blinked, a bit surprised at the man's idle question.

"Hey, I'm not that young!" Reno exclaimed, an expression on his face that he would describe as 'miffed' and others would call 'pouting'. "I'll have you know that I'm an academy student!"

The guy actually chuckled at his reaction, commenting easily, "Yes, yes, sorry for the mistake. You know, now that I look closer, that uniform looks kinda familiar, I think I saw some guys in a cafe I passed wearing it," The stranger's honey-colored eyes looked amused, but Reno just huffed and turned his head back around so that he was looking at the darkened path.

"Yeah, you know that private all boys' academy? I go there, and those guys you saw were probably visiting the cafe during their free period." Reno said, a little proud of going to such an exclusive school, but then he remembered the reason why he was sitting on that bench in the first place and his pride went right out the proverbial window, his posture slouching dejectedly.

Mr. Strawberry (Reno was getting tired of calling him 'the stranger' or 'the guy' in his head) noticed Reno's abrupt change in attitude, and one eyebrow raised quizzically as he asked, "Hey, what's wrong? You just remember that you forgot to do some homework or something?"

Reno played with his thumbs nervously, ashamed and embarrassed not just because of his earlier thoughts, but also because now that Mr. Strawberry mentioned it, he _had_ forgotten to do his History class assignment. "No - well, yes, but it's not just that!" He blurted out, desperate to let _someone _know his thoughts, and Mr. Strawberry was the only one around. He certainly couldn't go back and tell Roger or Toby or any of his other friends what had driven him to run away and hide in a park of all places. Before Mr. Strawberry could respond, Reno spoke again, unable to stop the words once they started flowing, "I-it's stupid, I know it is, but I just can't help thinking about it! I-I heard these guys talking and it got me thinking and I don't know why he loves me and I'm nowhere near good enough for him and, and -"

"Whoa, hang on kid! Take a deep breath," Mr. Strawberry interrupted his rambling, and Reno did as told, taking a deep breath before letting it out slowly, practically feeling some of his tension draining away with the exhaled breath, "Now, what's this about talking and some guy?" The orange-haired man questioned, and the student stared intently at his knees as he tried to gather his thoughts, missing the look on the other man's face that practically yelled '_how did I get myself into this?_'.

"Oh, um, well, you see, my roommate and I are kinda in a - a _relationship_," Reno put emphasis on that last word, hoping he wouldn't have to spell out what he meant, and was greeted with the sight of Mr. Strawberry's eyes widening as Reno's meaning sank in. The brunet was now a little worried, since it hadn't occurred to him until that moment that Mr. Strawberry might have a problem with gays, but it was too late for him to stop now, and so after taking another fortifying breath he continued, "My roommate - he's just such a great person, kind, smart, handsome, caring...just amazing! And after I heard some other guys talking in the cafeteria, I couldn't help wondering, what does he see in me? Compared to him, I'm just average, not even worth a second glance. And the more I thought, the worst those thoughts got...I just don't know what to do or think!" After letting out that last part as an exasperated cry, Reno fell silent, returning to staring at his knees.

There was a moment of silence, and then Mr. Strawberry sighed and asked, sounding a bit resigned to playing relationship therapist, "Do you love him?"

Reno jerked his head up, staring at the orange-haired man in shock as he blurted out, "Of course I do! I love him more than anything!"

Mr. Strawberry shrugged, "Well there you go." seeing Reno's confused look, the man sighed wearily and said, "Okay, I'm only going to say this once, so you better be listening: you wanted to know what your boyfriend sees in you? Well that's it right there. He sees that you love him, and if he's half as good a guy as you say he is, I'm betting there are a lot of people just after him for his looks. You love him for him, or at least I'm guessing you do since you're out here wallowing and spilling your guts to a complete stranger instead of back at your room with him, and that's a pretty rare thing all on its own. The question you should be asking is: does he love you?"

And that was the one question he already knew the answer to, Reno realized, having been listening intently to Mr. Strawberry's words. The entire time he'd been doubting himself, wondering what Roger could possibly see in him and thinking that he wasn't nearly good enough for the purple-haired man, he had never once questioned Roger's love for him, nor his own love for Roger. And applying those two facts, which he knew without a doubt were true, to what Mr. Strawberry had told him made his previous doubts suddenly seem ridiculous. After all, as long as they loved each other who cared if he looked average next to Roger or if his grades weren't quite as good? He would keep trying his best, and he would keep on loving and caring for Roger.

The brunet knew he was going to have to tell Roger what had kept him out so late, but maybe he could downplay his former fears and possibly not mention Mr. Strawberry, just in case Roger got worried about him spilling his heart to a stranger instead of him...

The entire time Reno was thinking, the man he'd nicknamed Mr. Strawberry was staring up at the pieces of sky that were visible through the trees and then glancing at his watch to confirm his guess. After several more minutes, he said, "You know, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure your boyfriend is going to be worried that something happened to you, considering it's almost 5 am..." When Reno's head jolted up in shock, the orange-haired man held up a wrist and pointedly tapped his watch with his free hand, and when Reno leaned closer to see the numbers, they did indeed say 4: 58 am. And as he watched, that eight turned into a nine, increasing the sudden feeling of dread in Reno's belly.

"Oh no..." Reno groaned softly, dropping his head back down onto his knees (and no wonder he felt so stiff, having been in that same position for hours), this time in total despair of getting back to the Academy before anyone noticed he was missing. Considering how long it had taken him to run to the park in the first place, and that was with adrenaline fueling him and without stopping, he figured Roger would just be getting up to head to class (he liked to sleep in instead of going to eat breakfast) by the time he got back to the room.

Unfortunately, it seemed Mr. Strawberry had reached the limits of his sympathy, as the man pushed himself to his feet, stretched his arms out over his head and grunting softly before saying, "Well, so long kid, hope you and your boyfriend manage to work things out." and without further ado, the man took off jogging down the path. Reno watched him until he couldn't see the vivid orange color of the stranger's fire-bright hair anymore, and by then the sky was noticeably beginning to lighten above him.

Deciding that it would be best to follow Mr. Strawberry's example and start heading back rather than drag things out and likely make things worse, Reno groaned as he slowly lowered one foot and then the other to the ground. Oooooh yeah, that hurt, he cringed visibly as his leg muscles protested being forced to move after so long staying still. Little stings of pain shot up and down the protesting limbs as circulation to them gradually increased due to the change in position, and he waited a few minutes, taking deep breaths to ride out the discomfort.

After a couple of minutes of flexing his toes and regaining the feeling in his legs, Reno cautiously stood up - and then fell on his butt, thankfully landing on the bench, when his legs gave out from under him. In total, Reno guess that it took him fifteen minutes to get the feeling back in his extremities and for the pins-and-needles sensation to go away. When he was sure that he could walk without falling flat on his face, he started off towards the Academy, figuring it was better to start walking than to wait until he was ready to run.

The brunet figured he might as well enjoy the walk, since when he got back the chances of Roger letting him out of his sight for a while were slim to none, especially when he told the taller man why he'd run away in the first place...

And Reno smiled, because he wouldn't have it any other way.

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_Author's Note: And there you go, one more plot bunny slain. This one-shot is basically to tide you guys over, because my family and I are moving and I probably won't be able to update any stories or post any more one-shots for awhile, which sucks because I had this neat idea for a Blue Exorcist/Fairy Tail crossover...anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one-shot! As always, constructive criticism is welcome!_


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